Nothing Special

I was talking with a younger friend of mine not too long ago.  The conversation got us to talking about life and him not knowing what he wanted to do.  I told him what I was doing with RockGator and entertaining people and he said to me, "Yeah, but I'm not as capable as you".  

Capable???  HA!  When I have a bad set or just one of those "not so funny moments", I can just about convince myself that I've never actually said anything funny in my life.

My view of me is from a 39 year perspective, not just whatever window you have seen a bit of me through.  Here's how I'd describe me - nothing special. 

My mom said I was special, and I was my grandma's favorite.  :)  But really, nothing special.  My cousins were funnier, smarter, better at sports, etc, etc.  I  was just an average kid, that set a low bar in life, and didn't expect to do anything great.

Even now, I spend way too much time and energy convincing myself that I should succumb to the odds and give up.  In response to that, I've decided to ignore the odds.  When it comes down to it, odds are for two sets of people: gamblers and those who want an excuse to give up before they try.

Yes, the odds of becoming the CEO, the famous actor, the teacher of the year, the professional athlete, the "insert what you dream to be here" may be slim.  

But here's the thing - someone is going to do those things.  Someone is going to defy the odds to win the prize or reach the goal.  I guess I could wait around for someone else to go get it and prove the odds right.  

But if I'm going to be here anyway, I might as well go get it myself.

go Live BIGGER

Maybe it's a mid-life crisis

That has been my most favorite reaction, by far, to my current status in life - "maybe it's a mid-life crisis???"  

First off, if I was having anything, it would be a mid-life apocalypse.  A mid-life crisis is for people who underachieve.  I would most certainly do it bigger.

Secondly, I see it more like a mid-life awakening.  I've spent way too much time drifting through life.  I would go as far as to wish away days just to get to the magical "weekend".  A weekend that would inevitably be filled with too many activities, only to leave me depressed on Sunday night thinking about what was coming the next day.

I need you to understand something.  My last day job was great.  Good people and a good company that did things the right way.  When I left, I told the CEO that I would not be leaving to go to another company, and I meant it.  The issue was...I wasn't meant to be in an office.  Any office.  

Somewhere along the way I got confused as to what the "pursuit of happiness" should be.  I turned it into what I thought was a safe, sterilized existence that was really just the illusion or idea of safe and sterilized.

The rally cry was "go to school and get a good job".  The goal was stability and financial security.  The means would be a degree in Computer Information Systems, because I thought "I could make some good money doing that".

The result - a good job, a nice house, some nice toys, a bi-weekly direct deposit, stability, and financial security.  Everything but the happiness.

But how could those things not make you happy?  Didn't you just describe the American Dream?  Yep, I believe that sums up the American Dream.  Just not my dream.

Last week, my lovely wife sent me a quote from Teddy Roosevelt.  It is one of the most inspiring things I have ever read. 

It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory or defeat. - Teddy Roosevelt

Mr. Roosevelt, your words still ring true to me over 100 years after saying them.  I will not settle for someone else's dream.  Even at the risk of failure, I will dare to live life and achieve more than just existence.

go Live BIGGER

Jumping Out

So there I am.  Standing on the edge, looking out.  

The image that is burned into my mind is here.  What I see, out of my peripheral vision, is the doorway.  Not really the doorway itself, but what it's separating.

If I look further back and to the left, I see the inside of the plane.  Where we all rode as we flew up to this point - the seats, the harnesses, the pilot.  Everything that is familiar and safe.  It's the "known".  The place where I've been and the place my mind is telling me to stay.  

Looking to the right of the doorway, I see....nothing.  Yes, there is the ground, the tail of the plane, the mountains, a cloud.  But all of these things are unreachable.  Once I lean forward, I'm into the nothing.

Why in the world would I NOT stay in this plane???  

But that's just the thing.  I didn't get on this ride to play it safe.  I got on to jump.  And so I did.

Then it hits me.  That moment out of the plane is the most simple moment of my life.  There is no schedule, no calendar, no project, no to-do list.  Nothing.  The plane is gone and the ground is still a ways away.  I'm in the middle of nowhere for the first time and I love it.

Some people thought I was crazy to do this.  (Not skydive, although my mom didn't approve of that).  People thought I was crazy to quit my day job and do something unproven and "not safe".

But that's just the thing.  I didn't get on this ride to play it safe.  I got on to jump.  And so I did.

This blog will be about foregoing the safe, "sure thing" to really live life.  Because too many times we convince ourselves we can't do something before we even try.

"What if you hit the ground?"  You're right, that could happen.  

But what if I figure out that I can fly...

go Live BIGGER