A comedian walks into Wal-Mart...

One doesn't simply go to Wal-Mart.  One must have a plan.  

Primary mission: flashlight and $5 sunglasses
Secondary mission: observe something funny for the Twitter
Overall goals: get stuff, people watch, speak to no one, self checkout, survive

From the moment I pull into the parking lot, I'm jaded and cynical. There are 2 thoughts in my head: "How can I put what I just saw into 140 characters" and "Being here makes me feel like I'm being punished for something".  

Let us begin...

I go to the Outdoors area and quickly find the flashlight I need.  This $25 flashlight must be popular with those inclined to steal flashlights because it's locked on the rack.  Now I must seek assistance.  (speak to no one)

The one lady working at the Outdoors desk is having a conversation with a non-employee visitor.  I think to myself, "Here comes my Twitter post" because they will obviously pay me no mind.  I'm disappointed when the visitor says "Go ahead sir, we are just visiting."  

I tell the worker what I need and she says, "We'll have to wait for the guy with the key to come back from break".  (YES!  Twitter post is at hand).  Unfortunately, the guy walks around the corner right after she told me that.

I get the flashlight.  We make small talk about how dumb it is to have to lock these things up.  She tells me that she has to check me out back here.  (After all, I could be one of the flashlight bandits) (self checkout).  I ask her to hold it for me while I look at sunglasses.  

There is no one in the sunglasses area.  (people watch)  Just sunglasses and underwear.  (Because those two things should be sold together).  After succeeding in my quest for the perfect $5 shades, I return to the flashlight area to make my purchase.

Worker and visitor are still having a good time talking.  At this point, I'm hoping that they ignore me so I can make up something funny about this.  Visitor quickly says, "Oh, you made it back.  Go right ahead."  (You're killin me, Smalls)

Visitor then proceeds to ask me about the glasses and the flashlight.  I tell her it's for a part I'm playing as a detective.  I do a generic Law and Order character and make jokes about stealing a flashlight.  She laughs.  Worker just gives me a sideways "you're kind of silly" look, but I'll take it.

I'm finally to the point of paying for my stuff when visitor looks at me and says, "Thank you for coming in here today.  You've been a blessing."

(NOPE! I do not accept that. This is not proper Wal-Mart behavior.)

I'm caught off guard, so I half laugh and ask "How so?".  Visitor says, "You brought us laughter.  Laughter is good medicine for the soul.  The world needs more of that."

(WHAT!! THE!!! WHAT!!!!)

When this happened, I pictured that scene from the Grinch when his heart grew 3 sizes that day.  A person that I have never met, and will probably never see again, said exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it.

I wonder about "purpose" in life, because I'm not exactly sure where I'm headed.  Many times I find myself thinking that I should be in an office somewhere, using my degree to make a living for my family.  It's responsible and it's safe.  I definitely shouldn't be spending my days going on auditions, writing jokes, and planning ways to get people to climb mountains with me.

As an insecure human being, I want a giant billboard that says "Your purpose in life is straight ahead!".  More often, all we get is a small trail marker that says we're not lost in the wilderness.  I'm finally at a point of being excited about that.

go Live BIGGER